This section is about body language and flirting – It’s a definitive guide to meeting and interacting with women but there is a lot of cross-over with body language. If you’re too lazy to read it properly then don’t expect great results. Let’s be honest – you wouldn’t be looking at this page if you weren’t interested so do yourself a favour and read it properly.
There’s a lot of rubbish been written about this in the past so here’s the facts. Looks do matter, size does count (your shoulders not your penis) and women do compare notes. The good news is that you live in the age of miracles. (Hair dye, plastic surgery and Viagra)
KNOWN OR UNKNOWN
Flirting will either take place with someone you already know or with someone you’ve never met before. Both situations have their pros and cons. It’s quite common for a friendship to suddenly go sexual and it is also just as likely that you’ll meet someone at 9.00pm in a nightclub and be in bed with them by 1.00am. (A little later if you’re in New York.) In either case, flirting and body language will play a huge part in the interaction but may be very different with regard to what and how it is done. For example, with people you’ve never met before first impressions are hugely important but with people you know then it may be all about changing the impressions that they already have. Sometimes people you know will start flirting to test the water and sometimes people you don’t know will flirt with you just to check that they’re still attractive. When it comes to flirting and body language it’s a game with some very complex rules but here’s the point – if you don’t play you can’t win.
If you already know someone …
There are advantages and disadvantages of flirting with people that you already know. The key to the success of your flirting often depends on what the other person secretly thinks about you. We know this guy that has been hot for a woman for more than twenty years since they were at school together. One day she looked over at this guy and a switch flipped in her head and she started broadcasting to him. He responded and they got married a little while ago. What triggered her to suddenly find him attractive? Well he’d just turned 35 and had decided to join one of those clubs where you do “stand-up” comedy. Turns out he was good at it. Suddenly she saw him in a whole new way.
When we already know somebody we risk losing whatever relationship we have with that person if we switch tracks. Naturally, people are reluctant to lose what they already have.
The key to attracting and flirting with somebody that you already know is to change the way they see you. This can require dramatic action. Say you’ve been as boring and inactive as pond scum lying on pool for ten years and suddenly take up sky diving then you’ll certainly get peoples attention. A positive aspect of flirting with somebody that you already know is that you probably have established a degree of trust with that person. This makes your efforts seem more sincere.
If it’s a stranger …
On the whole we would say that it is easier to flirt with a stranger than with a friend. Strangers have to judge you on first impressions and how you project yourself. You are a blank canvass that can be painted in the colours most suitable to the occasion. In short, you have the luxury of re-inventing yourself. On the downside, there is probably very little trust.
TIME AND PLACE
Another factor that will impact on your flirting is time and place. It can start and take place anywhere but the simple rule is that it has to feel right. It’s not uncommon for business colleagues to flirt outrageously in the office and then suddenly go cold when they’re in an intimate environment. The reason is simple – in the office the flirting is safe – it’s practice. In an intimate environment it’s serious with all the attached consequences. That doesn’t mean that it can’t happen in both places – it often does. In this case the office is the warm up for the real game. On occasions, it actually is the real game and the photocopier gets to make some interesting images.
The best and most common time-and-place for flirting is when it has the potential for both commitment and escape. This makes parties, nightclubs and other social gatherings ideal. There’s plenty of opportunity for flirting (strangers and friends) but there is also a “safe” environment – at least to start with.
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
Flirting is about what you say and what your body language says. The absolutely most important rule is that they must say the same thing. If they don’t, and women are good at recognising this, then you’ll just make them feel uncomfortable.
Practice flirting! You wouldn’t pick up a golf club and expect to win the first time you play. Here’s a tip about flirting – girls are naturally just better at this – guys do need to practice. Most guys naturally know how to fight – most girls don’t have a clue. It’s just one of those things.
Practice that sexy smile, that wistful glance, that “you’re hot” wink and get it right. You’ll just make a fool of yourself if you get it wrong. Practice! Mirrors are helpful. If you want to know how it should look then watch a few of the male actors in some of those chick flick films you wouldn’t want your buddies to ever know you’ve watched. At the moment the girls are hot for George Clooney, Josh Hartnett, Brad Pitt, Jonny Depp and Paul Walker but that’ll change in a year or so. Just watch how they do it.
One last thought. Not all men have the physical “looks” and “attributes” to pull this off. Be honest! If you’re 250 pounds, have less hair on your head than a shaved porn star, wear glasses and sweat badly when you meet people then it’s probably a bad idea to try and emulate Jonny Depp. Still, you’re not out of the game you just really really need to read the section on what women want and do something about it. (Remember – Age of Miracles)