We’ve had so many requests for male and female flirting tips that we’ve bowed to pressure and included a section.

Actually, it’s been quite a lot of fun to prepare as we’ve tried them out as a social experiment – and they actually work.  In fact, they work too well.  This is very powerful body language and both guys and girls get “very” upset (and quickly) if the “strong” flirting signals turn out to just be a tease.

BEFORE YOU EVEN START FLIRTING

Be graceful and keep moving with poise and confidence.  Men are psychologically programmed to “zone-in” on this kind of movement.  That’s why strippers move the way the do and don’t do techno dancing.

Look healthy – this is truly just as important as being good-looking.

Don’t lower your chin (it makes you look scared) and definitely keep your chest out. It doesn’t seem to matter if you have small breasts – it’s the posture that counts.

Women choose the men that they want to approach them by flirting – most of the time.  If you want to see which men are “looking”, then watch out for the guy who is “scanning” the place.  He may – be alone, with his friends or even with another woman but his eyes will periodically “sweep” the room like a radar beam.  And, just like a radar beam, he is looking for a signal.

Flirting is about being noticed and that means being noticeable.  There are six (6) sensible things that really make a person, especially a woman, “stand out”  these are:

Colour – Don’t wear boring colours. The guy may not like what he sees but he will at least see you.
Movement – Move! Be animated. Motion attracts the eye. When people (and animals) are scared and timid they freeze.  This implies that you are reluctant and unready.  In short, you’re a poor opportunity for his time and efforts.
Accessibility – The single biggest mistake that women make if they want to be approached is to appear difficult to approach.  Let’s be absolutely clear – no guy wants to try and “pick you up” while a group of your scornful (they weren’t approached) girlfriends watch him do his stuff.  There’s a really stupid line from one of the Spice Girl’s first songs “Wannabe” – it goes, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends, make it last forever (for) friendship never ends,” Well that is fine if you’re a 14 year old girl-power comic reader but if you want to meet a man then it is very bad advice.  Men, on the whole, hate your girlfriends – they’re often bitchy, cruel, jealous, critical and very definitely get in the way.  Where you sit, how you position yourself and what part of the environment you are in affects how accessible you are.  The less accessible, the less you’ll be approached.  Recognising accessibility is also a very powerful “man-thing”.  Why would they want to waste their efforts on an inaccessible female?  Very Freudian!
Eye Contact – Be prepared to make eye contact with the guys you’re interested in.  To do this you have to be prepared to look around too – just enough but not to much or every lame hopeful is going to be all over you.  Still, no eye contact then no approaches – well not from anybody you’d be interested in.
Be Different – Well, actually you should be just different enough to stand out.  If you’re at a Goth party and you’re dressed as a W.A.S.P. cheerleader (Marylin Manson – Tainted Love) then you will get noticed but possibly not in the way you wanted.  Just be different enough to stand out and be seen.  No guy ever approached the invisible woman.
Skin – When it comes to flirting, there’s no substitute for showing some skin.  Men love skin – especially if it is smooth and unblemished.  In their testosterone driven minds the equation is simple:  Skin = availability.  There’s been a lot of flirting psychobabble written about why this is by people who probably don’t get out enough but it is true.  At a very basic level, men are programmed to look for naked skin – generally the more the better.

GLANCE AND LOOK DOWN

This is the “killer” flirting signal.  You’ve made eye contact with that guy who’s “scanning” and who you’d like to approach you.  You give him a hint of a mischievous smile, an interested glance, and then look down (Not away). Subtly adjust your posture so that you’re pointing towards him.  Slightly arch your back so you emphasize your chest.  Don’t over do it or you’ll seem awkward and, dare we say it, desperate.

THREE STRIKES AND OUT

Quite often your first flirting signal won’t be enough.  What’s going on in the guy’s head is this.  “Oh my god, she’s interested.  Is she?  Did I just imagine that? Oh Hell, look at all her friends watching.  I’m feeling good that she’s interested but do I actually want to do this?  Did I just imagine this?  How much have I had to drink?

So now you have to repeat your “look” so that he gets the message that he’s not in fantasy land.  If he still does nothing then you can try a third attempt.  By now (within two minutes) if he’s a confident male he should be coming over to you.  If he isn’t then he probably isn’t good “mate” material.  In short, where flirting is concerned – it’s three strikes and out.  You’ll be better off investing your interest elsewhere.  One final thought in defense of the guys is this:  Girls tease and practice where as most guys are for real. Girls that reject a guy often go up in the estimation of their friends (they have high standards) whereas a guy that fails always goes down in the estimation of his friends (loser). Guys have learnt that even if all the signals are “right” they can still be rejected.

THE APPROACH

So now he’s coming over to you.  Your flirting has worked. He’ll probably move slowly and look for reassurance from you. At any time he can turn away and bypass you if he feels that the “vibe” isn’t right.  Then you blew it.  If you’re with friends then they’ll have noticed your “play” and if he turns away then you lose.  As he walks over you need to increase your smile and open your posture to welcome him.  Both you and he know that this is literally the first step.  As he nears you it is critical that you allow him some personal space.  That means adjusting your posture to exclude those around you and focus on him.  That is if you want this contact to work.  Woman often change their minds as a man approaches and you can reject him once he’s made contact or if he is obviously not “mate” material.  If you’re a woman then trust your instincts as he approaches.  Watch out for weird-walks, frozen smiles, glassy eyes and guys that keep looking at their buddies.  So, if you’ve changed your mind then turn away from him before he arrives and with luck he’ll get the message and won’t even try.

CONTACT

So now you’ve made contact and you’ve decided that he’s safe and you like him enough to explore this further.  He’s clearly shown his interest in you by coming over but is going to need to see plenty of female flirting (sex) signals or he may lose interest and start “scanning” again.  If you are genuinely attracted to the guy then many of these may come naturally.  However, for lots of people the act of flirting or projecting body language sex signals does not come easily.  This is something of a mystery but is true.  He’s going to want to see some of the following:
The Hair Tug

These are just some of the gestures that will continue to show him that you are interested.  To see these in detail view Female Body Language and More Female Body Language.

BE WELCOMING

Just remember that if you gave him a flirting signal then you actually invited him to come over and play.  It’s at this point that women often feel insecure and have an inexplicable urge to be “hard-to-get”.  This is usually done to appear “cool” in front of the watching girlfriends – sometimes to test his determination.  Bad move if you feel attracted to the guy!  He’s risked a lot by coming over to you and he’ll actually save face by “mocking” your attitude and leaving you high-and-dry as fast as he can.  (I.e. “She was so weird I just had to get out of there!”) So, be welcoming.  Shake his hand if he offers it.  Give him some space and, if you like him, keep on sending the right signals.

FINDING OUT STUFF

He talks – you talk.  He sends you body language signals you do the same.  Assuming that you find yourself enjoying the encounter you need to send him some strong verbal messages that are backed up by corresponding body language.  Men need plenty of clear simple messages.  Understand this, you’ll quickly know whether you like him or not because it’s hard-wired into your brain.  Time passes, you tell him stuff about yourself, he tells you stuff about himself.  You’re both enjoying this time.  Maybe you dance, maybe it’s a drink at the bar or maybe it’s a time for some personal space?

BODY MAGNETISM

You’re attracted to each other.  Like magnet and metal you’ll find yourself drawn to reduce the physical space between you.  You need to subtly lean forward – a powerful signal in the right environment.  If he does the same then this encounter is going places.  If he leans back then he is subconsciously (or even consciously) maintaining the distance.  The rule is simple, closing the space between you is good if you want this to go further but if he moves (leans) forward and you move away then you are sending a very negative set of signals.  If they were put into language, they would say, “Hey! Slow down!  I’m not ready.  I’m not sure.  Maybe I don’t like you.”

JUST THE RIGHT TOUCH

Let’s say that you do like him.  He’s charming, interesting, values your conversation, has things in common with you and is definitely not weird.  Now is the time to close the gap.  This is a very serious flirting (sex) signal and you should only use it if you’re ready.  The body language you’re going to use is the accidental touch.  Consciously or subconsciously you let a part of your body touch his.  It might be that your leg rests against his as you adjust your posture or that you reach out and touch his forearm as he says something witty or interesting.  Whatever the circumstances – you’ve made body contact.  A normal, well adjusted, guy will respond in equal measure.  Contact!

If he ignores the touch then he’s not ready or maybe a novice when it comes to the flirting game.  If he overreacts and tries to grab you then he’s either a serious amateur or a predator.  This is a game that goes slowly-by-slowly and he should understand the rules.

If you’re comfortable with the way things are going then your touches will become longer and more obviously deliberate.  If he’s “cool” he’ll keep pace with you and do the same.  Both your intentions are clear – physical contact is very OK!

THE VERY FIRST KISS

A kiss cannot really happen by accident and so it is a very clear body language interaction that moves a potential relationship from flirting to real.  The guy is going to be very nervous and adrenaline-charged by this stage of the game.  This is where it all goes right or goes horribly wrong.  You need to understand he is going to be a little hesitant to take this step.  He knows timing is everything and so he will be watching for the “kiss me” signal.  It’s called the “Melt and Breathe”.  Simply put, you let your face relax totally, your eyes slowly close as if in a trance and you open your mouth as if needing a deep breath of his masculine vitality.  This is the most incredibly powerful of all body language gestures.  If he doesn’t kiss you then leave, go home, get drunk (if you’re over 18 – yeah right) and start again tomorrow.  Frankly, if he doesn’t kiss you then he’s probably too dense to tie his own shoelaces and probably doesn’t deserve to pass on his genes.  Harsh but true!
The final Count Down

We’ve given you some solid flirting tips but from here on out it is really about how far you go.  Perhaps you’ll kiss a few times and agree to meet again or perhaps you’ll wind up in bed together engaged in wild monkey sex.  Just remember that the further you want it to go the more body language signals you’ll need to send to each other.  For men this is the final count down and for most of them it always comes as a bit of a surprise.  If you want to go all the way then make it clear!  Every night there are millions of women around the world who have found themselves at home, alone, drinking something and wondering why they’re not in bed with that sexy guy they got on so well with.

Finally, when three million years of evolutionary behaviour has fade into passion and the flirting competition is just an illusion, you’ll stop playing the game and experience raw, beautiful, mad, fantastic harmonic sex.  If you’re really, really, oh yes really lucky then you’ll have found that person that with whom forever is too short a time.  Good luck.