Flirting Tips for Men
This section is about body language and flirting – It’s a definitive guide to meeting and interacting with women but there is a lot of cross-over with body language. If you’re too lazy to read it properly then don’t expect great results. Let’s be honest – you wouldn’t be looking at this page if you weren’t interested so do yourself a favour and read it properly.
There’s a lot of rubbish been written about this in the past so here’s the facts. Looks do matter, size does count (your shoulders not your penis) and women do compare notes. The good news is that you live in the age of miracles. (Hair dye, plastic surgery and Viagra)
KNOWN OR UNKNOWN
Flirting will either take place with someone you already know or with someone you’ve never met before. Both situations have their pros and cons. It’s quite common for a friendship to suddenly go sexual and it is also just as likely that you’ll meet someone at 9.00pm in a nightclub and be in bed with them by 1.00am. (A little later if you’re in New York.) In either case, flirting and body language will play a huge part in the interaction but may be very different with regard to what and how it is done. For example, with people you’ve never met before first impressions are hugely important but with people you know then it may be all about changing the impressions that they already have. Sometimes people you know will start flirting to test the water and sometimes people you don’t know will flirt with you just to check that they’re still attractive. When it comes to flirting and body language it’s a game with some very complex rules but here’s the point – if you don’t play you can’t win.
If you already know someone …
There are advantages and disadvantages of flirting with people that you already know. The key to the success of your flirting often depends on what the other person secretly thinks about you. We know this guy that has been hot for a woman for more than twenty years since they were at school together. One day she looked over at this guy and a switch flipped in her head and she started broadcasting to him. He responded and they got married a little while ago. What triggered her to suddenly find him attractive? Well he’d just turned 35 and had decided to join one of those clubs where you do “stand-up” comedy. Turns out he was good at it. Suddenly she saw him in a whole new way.
When we already know somebody we risk losing whatever relationship we have with that person if we switch tracks. Naturally, people are reluctant to lose what they already have.
The key to attracting and flirting with somebody that you already know is to change the way they see you. This can require dramatic action. Say you’ve been as boring and inactive as pond scum lying on pool for ten years and suddenly take up sky diving then you’ll certainly get peoples attention. A positive aspect of flirting with somebody that you already know is that you probably have established a degree of trust with that person. This makes your efforts seem more sincere.
If it’s a stranger …
On the whole we would say that it is easier to flirt with a stranger than with a friend. Strangers have to judge you on first impressions and how you project yourself. You are a blank canvass that can be painted in the colours most suitable to the occasion. In short, you have the luxury of re-inventing yourself. On the downside, there is probably very little trust.
TIME AND PLACE
Another factor that will impact on your flirting is time and place. It can start and take place anywhere but the simple rule is that it has to feel right. It’s not uncommon for business colleagues to flirt outrageously in the office and then suddenly go cold when they’re in an intimate environment. The reason is simple – in the office the flirting is safe – it’s practice. In an intimate environment it’s serious with all the attached consequences. That doesn’t mean that it can’t happen in both places – it often does. In this case the office is the warm up for the real game. On occasions, it actually is the real game and the photocopier gets to make some interesting images.
The best and most common time-and-place for flirting is when it has the potential for both commitment and escape. This makes parties, nightclubs and other social gatherings ideal. There’s plenty of opportunity for flirting (strangers and friends) but there is also a “safe” environment – at least to start with.
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
Flirting is about what you say and what your body language says. The absolutely most important rule is that they must say the same thing. If they don’t, and women are good at recognising this, then you’ll just make them feel uncomfortable.
Practice flirting! You wouldn’t pick up a golf club and expect to win the first time you play. Here’s a tip about flirting – girls are naturally just better at this – guys do need to practice. Most guys naturally know how to fight – most girls don’t have a clue. It’s just one of those things.
Practice that sexy smile, that wistful glance, that “you’re hot” wink and get it right. You’ll just make a fool of yourself if you get it wrong. Practice! Mirrors are helpful. If you want to know how it should look then watch a few of the male actors in some of those chick flick films you wouldn’t want your buddies to ever know you’ve watched. At the moment the girls are hot for George Clooney, Josh Hartnett, Brad Pitt, Jonny Depp and Paul Walker but that’ll change in a year or so. Just watch how they do it.
One last thought. Not all men have the physical “looks” and “attributes” to pull this off. Be honest! If you’re 250 pounds, have less hair on your head than a shaved porn star, wear glasses and sweat badly when you meet people then it’s probably a bad idea to try and emulate Jonny Depp. Still, you’re not out of the game you just really really need to read the section on what women want and do something about it. (Remember – Age of Miracles)
WHAT DO WOMEN WANT? (THE TURN ON)
What do Women Really Want?
What do women want? Well that’s the toughest of all questions because more than half the time they’re not sure themselves. (We’re not being patronizing – just truthful.) What women want changes depending on their age, their culture, the century and the time of their menstrual cycle? For millennia, men pondered this question then, as their heads started to hurt, went and got drunk. Many still do. However, thanks to the internet and the sudden surplus of information available, it’s possible to finally understand this mystery.
This is what women want – most of the time – but they will happily settle for just some of it and, in certain cases, very little of it. Beware – it’s confusing. In general, women want men that are …
- Tall rather than short (or at least taller than the woman)
- Dark haired rather than blonde
- Handsome rather than plain
- Masculine but clean (hygiene is important to woman)
- A little rough and dangerous but safe and gentle – with them
- Risk takers until they’re married and / or have children
- Flat stomach – small butt
- Broad shoulders – narrow waist
- Wealthy or have future wealth potential
- Leaders rather than followers
- Able to make them feel good even if it means lying (convincingly)
- Confident and relaxed
- Popular with others but focused on them – the woman
- Physically fit but not so it dominates their lives
- Intelligent enough to understand them but definitely not a nerd
- A little wild but tamable
- Adventurous in their past and present
- Only adventurous with her in the future
- Unpredictable – for a while
- Experienced with sex but prepared to give up other women for them
- Good listeners
- Definitely not weird – unless being weird is the norm for the social group
- Able to dress with style and reasonable fashion but not a dandy
- Loving but not possessive and stifling.
- A sense that they’re prepared to walk away – if they really feel like it.
- Able to make people laugh! (Hugely important)
Very Important: Statistically, the number of men that have all the characteristics listed above is less than 1.4%. So … the good news for most men is the “Rule of Five”. Most women will be pleased with their catch if the man has just five (5) of the above characteristics. That’s just one fifth (1/5). Try it and you’ll see what we mean. Pick any five characteristics at random. Write them down and then use them to describe an imaginary friend to a single woman that you know. See how she reacts.
“True men want fame, fortune and glory and a son to leave it to. Women want men to achieve this and then to be desired so much that they will give it up just for them.”
There are a lot of hidden truths in that statement but one that is often overlooked is this. Women don’t want men to give up insignificance, poverty and being scorned for them. That’s no sacrifice at all. The heart of this statement is about proof. Above all else, a woman wants proof of a man’s desire.
WHAT WOMEN DON’T WANT! (THE TURN OFF)
However … and this is a big however, if the man has any of the characteristics listed below then his chances fall incredibly fast. These are:
- Has an very unpleasant or unusual body odour – Could be illness
- Has noticeable rashes or advanced skin disease of any sort – Illness and Disease
- Has distorted or imbalanced facial features – May imply genetic issues
- Sweats uncontrollably – It implies illness or anxiety therefore not an alpha
- Is “laughably” socially awkward –Implies ill adjustment
- Is noticeably feminine – Could be secretly gay?
- Is fat – a butt the size of two pigs in a sack – No self control / physical weakness
- Has bad teeth / breathe – Not kissing a dirty drain.
- Is really, as opposed to just interestingly, weird. I.e. He collects frog spawn as a hobby and believes it could be tomorrow’s wonder-food. – Unbalanced!
- Is too old or just looks too old – No kids there.
- Comes across as desperate – Loser.
- Over 25 and lives with his mother – Let’s not go there!
So before you even think about women take two steps. Firstly make sure you have none of the “Contact Killer” negative characteristics. In most case these problems can be cured – even if the solution is a little dramatic such as plastic surgery.
Secondly, pick five of the characteristics from the “positives – what women want” list and really work to emphasize them. Pick a second five that you don’t have and disguise them. So if you’re quite funny become really good at making girls laugh. If you’re short wear shoes that increase your height. If you have dark hair then grow it longer. If you’re a bit boring take up an adventurous sport.
THE RIGHT ATTITUDE
You have to have the right attitude. Women are incredibly able to pick up “vibes’ relating to your attitude. If you’ve sorted out any personal “contact killers” and have perfected at least five of the positive characteristics then you should be confident. Project the right “aura” – you’re a leader, fit, funny, practiced in the right body-language and stylish. You’re already in the top 5%. You’re not scared of rejection. You don’t need to be drunk or have twenty buddies edging you on. You know that you’re going to lose some and be able to laugh it off. You also know you’re going to win some and that’s what counts.
OBSERVATION AND SELECTION
So now it’s time for flirting and body language recognition. You don’t just see a woman you’d like to get to know and go and hit on her. Sure there’s a small chance that you’re so hot that you’ll get away with it but if you’re not extraordinary (1.4%) then you’ll do it this way.
The first step is to use your powers of body language observation to identify the women that are broadcasting their availability. They’ll be accessible and positioned to make an advance reasonably easy. The clothes they wear, the way they’re sitting or standing and how animated they seem are all clues for you. Now would be a really good time to read the section on female flirting signals. Don’t waste your time on those women that are not broadcasting. Your chances will be low – very low.
Once you’ve identified a potentially available woman that you are interested in, even if it is a previous friend, you need her to notice you. One thing to your advantage is that if she is truly available she’ll be looking too – just not as obviously. Don’t expect her to see you hiding in the shadows or five rows deep behind your buddies.
In brief, you’ve got to position yourself close enough to her so she can see you and yet do it in a way that seems casual, confident and comfortable. It’s helpful not to appear alone at this time. Perhaps you and a just one buddy wander over and with luck she’ll notice you and send a signal. Usually it’s eye contact and the slightest raising of her eyebrows. It’s Ok to respond with a gentle grin or sexy look and hold her eyes with yours. Don’t look away before she does. This is called “lingering eye contact.” It’s a red-hot signal and it shows you’re confident and interested. She’ll probably smile a little and then look down. If you’re not sure it’s OK then wait to see if she “broadcasts again”. If she does so then now’s the time to act. Some women will be prepared to keep broadcasting even if you don’t react but most will give up after three attempts.
Generally the female Signals and the Male Responds (Only true Alphas should broadcast first)
Obviously the circumstances will impact on how you behave. In a nightclub you’ll move in fast and she’ll expect you to do so. However, at a garden party your flirting may be less obvious and slower. When it’s with a group of friends you may need to keep sending signals to each other for quite a while before you can get some space without everyone watching. Here’s a really good tip – stay sober or at least reasonably sober.
HOW TO BE THE CHOSEN ONE (Key Flirting Tips for Men)
What makes a woman decide that you are worth a flirting signal – especially if she’s never met you before? Initially it’s your appearance and body language. Some say that it’s as much as 80% of her decision. We’ve already covered appearance so now onto body language. These are the top male body language (flirting) signals of the available and attractive male.
- Stand tall – don’t slouch
- Keep your shoulders back
- Keep your chin up
- Suck in the stomach (but not obviously so)
- Casually look around – scan but don’t stare
- Make eye contact with women (very important)
- Position yourself at the centre of the action – you’re an Alpha Male
- Move casually and confidently
- Lead don’t follow
- Don’t cross your arms (unless its freezing cold)
- Send out flirting response signals – or even initiate a few of your own
- Show off your physique – if it’s good.
- Be groomed in a very, very, casual way
- Laugh and make people around you laugh with you not at you
- Display wealth – appear wealthy (without being too ‘bling’ which actually looks cheap /fake)
- Never tuck both hands into your pockets (unless it’s freezing)